[11] In A Daze
I saw a lot of cool people today. And even though I didn't talk to them, it was nice seeing them. And the ones I did talk to were even cooler than the ones I didn't talk to.
For some reason, I'm really hyper and calm at the same time. Is that even possible? I'm thinking the most random, crazy things, but I'm just sitting here, looking at the keyboard and thinking about how neat it is that when I push down a button, a little letter appears on the screen. I wonder how computers work? Hm. Ponder.
I love Lauren for giving me those Marlboros. I was in desperate need. I don't really know if I should actually blurt it out, because my mom said it's nothing I need to worry about. But for now I'll just say that my parents may get a divorce. MAY. As in if, perhaps, might. I don't know much else. But the other night they came home from my aunt's house and didn't know I was here. They thought I was still at the balloon festival. And they talked a lot downstairs, and I sat frozen in the computer chair for the longest time. An hour later I had moved down to the floor. Another thirty minutes in I was laying down. And then fifteen minutes after that the conversation ended.
And it was very strange hearing the words that were coming out of my parents' mouths. Because they had never once mentioned them before. And then I thought to myself what an idiot I was being. Why in the hell would my mom say she was unhappy to me? Why would she say she didn't love my dad anymore to me?
And what's also strange is the fact that this is all happening now, when I'm 15. My friends' parents got divorced when most of them were really young. But now it just doesn't make any sense. I thought that once everyone was all grown up my parents would sit at home and talk about how glad they are that we graduated.
I don't want to be 15. I really don't. And it's weird, because even though I want to drive and move out and get married, somehow I really just want to be a kid again. Because that was innocence. And nothing is innocent anymore.
I really want to get out of English 2 PAP.
before // after